My meeting with a PARI

They say that love is a many splendoured thing. Yet, this is one topic that continues to confound and cloud the thinking of people of all ages, whether they are in their teens or in the middle-age group, and now even people who are in what is commonly referred to as the twilight years, namely those people who are senior citizens (above 60-65 years of age) who seek companionship either because their partners are no more in this world, or have left them for any reason. The last part was recently reported in one of the popular english daily newspaper editions of Ahmedabad City.

In the current posting, I am looking at the middle-aged group specifically, not only because I belong to that group, but because there are so many aspects that need to be looked into before any decisions can really even be formulated, leave alone be enacted, before any aspect can even be envisaged.

I have been mulling over this topic constantly over the period of almost one year, and have come to no conclusions so far, for the simple reason that I have a really busy and hectic schedule that keeps me occupied on the professional front for more than 10-12 hours on a daily basis. Sunday is really the only day of the week when I am relaxed, in comparision to other days, and hence Saturday night is a night that I can really devote more towards these aspects of our lives.

For the sake of simplicity and to protect the identity of the lady in question, I will simply refer to her by the name of “Pari”. The reason for this name is very simple. Pari is the equivalent of Fairy in the hindi language, and the lady in question entered my life very much in the way a fairy would, and in a vey filmi fashion, she also exited my life, much as a fairy would, if any fairy ever did get involved in any man’s life. In exiting my life, she left behind changes that I enforced upon myself, which she may or may not have suggested during the time that I knew her. As on the date of writing this posting, I can state very confidently that she is no more a part of my life, just as my life had been before I had met her for the first time. In fact, I even doubt if I would even recognize her, even if she passed me by on the streets of Ahmedabad.

Anyway, that being said, I do wonder why is it that despite the fact that there is no contact at all with Pari since more than sixty months now, I simply cannot erase her completely from my life. Is this what is called obsession? But if it is, then there is no desire left in me to meet her at all. In fact, everytime I get this feeling that she is somewhere around, my first instinct is to take off from that scene like the proverbial hare. Yet, I admit, I am neither keen to meet up with her and nor am I running away from the situation. Let me say that I am just avoiding any kind of confrontation, because from experience I can say that this is one confrontation that is not ever going to be a pleasant one, because I would have more grouses to settle with her than she with me. Yet if I settle these grouses with her, she is hardly to blame, because it was never her idea at all. It was my idea all the way, so there is no real idea behind the concept of settling grouses, and any that I may have are going to go to the grave with me.

Then why am I penning this article? Good question that one, worth at least a million dollars!! And yes, I have no real answer to that question. The nearest that I can come towards answering that in all honesty is that I wish to share this event of my life in the hope that people who read through the whole story realise some very important things about human relationships.

Without sounding too philosophical, one of the most important things which is often overlooked is proper and mature communication. Do not rely on simple SMS messages or email messages, because the written word often results in misunderstandings and misinterpretations. What is mature communication, then? In simple words, face-to-face discussions are better than telephonic discussions, because the true feelings get reflected on the facial expressions of the communicator and are a great way of getting to know the real person behind the facade. Also, it is impossible to catch a lie even over the phone, historically

it has been proved that anyone can get away with lies over the phone and it takes a really talented person to get away with lies in a face-to-face discussion. Also, if the person is a deceptive person, there will be something wrong in the coordination between the facial expressions and the verbal communications. Anyone who has studied psychology can tell you that this is the truest way of getting to know a person really well.